you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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