he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
