Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
