Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
