I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
