haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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