i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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