I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
