I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
