I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
