My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
