You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
