Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
