I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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