i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sober January is a disaster.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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