I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to make a zoo with you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
