mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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