Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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