Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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