forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
