@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His hands were made for my vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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