69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
