You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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