I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
