Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
