Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
