school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im part way to drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
