About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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