The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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