those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
