That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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