Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
