There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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