Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
