dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
