Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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