My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
