theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
