I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
