I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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