I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
