Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
