Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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