They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
