Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
