I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
