yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
