All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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