Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
