Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
